Life isn't fair...but its still good :)

Sometimes one doesn't realize what good a "walk" or a "run" alone with oneself can do...life's not going great these days....my day today just did not go as planned...by the time it was twilight...i was feeling completely drained out!!...at that time i just got up and decided to head to sirifort sports complex for a run...when i stepped out of my house...it was cold and chilly...i stopped for 5 seconds nd thought that sitting at home and reading was a better option...but then suddenly decided to go ahead with my plan...as i reached there and started to run....i felt weird for about half a km (its a one km track out there)....the wind seemed like a storm...trying to break me with all its power...the whislting noices from the trees sounded like ghosts running after me trying to scare me away....but slowly as i moved ahead....the stress seemed to be coming out of my system...i began to notice the ppl running with me...doesnt mean i was checking them out :-p....but just observing them....they all seemed like identical versions of mine...with their own set of difficulties nd problems...thats when i felt that i was running in a marathon...a marathon called life...i didn't know at that time whether i shall win or loose...but i certainly knew that i needed to be out there and face everything while keeping my strength intact....at the end of the run...i stopped for 5 minutes and gazed at the the entire scene that was right there is front of me....i felt rejuvenated...every1's life is tough in their own different ways...so don't ever compare your life to others...you have no idea about what their journey is all about :)

win-loose

Every time i win...i don't feel great about it...coz my triumph is someone else's defeat...how can that feel good?? similarly if i miss an opportunity...i never feel bad about it...coz again someone else must have grabbed the one i missed :) may be someone who needed it more than i did :)

Relationships and perfumes….

I was sitting and wondering the other day…what can you best compare a relationship with??...yeah I was quite inactive over the weekend…so just entered into a thought process...and then I came to the conclusion that “it”…the relationship I mean…can best be compared to a "perfume"… …now see we have all had one favorite perfume at some stage in our lives…the one which we have loved the most…the first one…new excitement…new compassion…coming at an early stage in life…an epitome of magic for us….just like the first time we apply a perfume in our growing days…and feel absolutely wonderful about it....I personally feel that all of us overrate it…coz “first” of everything is “first”….its like…the way a woman feels the first time she’s pregnant is much more special than the following times…but that’s not the point here…not many of us are lucky for “it” to be with us for the rest of our lives….in fact if we look around…most of us would be with ppl whom we came across after the first very sad break up!!!

When something goes wrong with the first one…could be anything…like we outgrowing it…or “it” causing irritation…or simply not working out...doesn't make anyone any less than the other….there are many temporary perfumes that keep coming and going…an it’s an easier way to get over the magic of the first one …but the effect of the temporary ones doesn’t last for long…:)

And then suddenly a "special" perfume walks into our lives again…with whom we love spending time…has been with us for the longest after the first one …who likes us and we like it too…technically everything’s fine with it…but we are still not sure of it….its very different from us….at the same time we can’t do without it either….coz it makes us feel secure…has been with us during both good and bad times….and we have shared beautiful moments with it….we know it’s the one we can go to when we are stressed and lonely and it knows us the best…. its like we would rather apply it than anyone else…

Amidst of all this there is one perfume with which we share a wonderful platonic relationship….who clears us of all the bad thoughts….and guides us as a friend and a philosopher…it’s just probably the shortest distance away….

Then finally as we mature with time…we come to terms with the “final” one…the perfume which we decide will stay with us for the rest of ur lives….we will never let ourselves outgrow it…even if its imperfect many times or there are certain things that we find wrong in it…we accept it for what it is….that would be our life long perfume…errr relationship…leaving all other perfumes to be just our friends…but the “life long” one being our “life partner”….but then again…that life long might be the “first” one, the chances of which are very bleak…or the “special” one…or even the “platonic” one in some cases…

Now it makes me wonder…how do we identify the “life long” one?? what would I want to do?? My question here is…is it more important to act from the mind sometimes or from the heart always??….I am myself confused….I would probably not let the “special” one go coz it would have come across me at a much more matured stage of life :)…I would be understanding it much better…it might call for some effort from both ends…but I m sure slowly and steadily we would fall in love with it…its important to work towards it though…me thinks its much better than investing effort in knowing a completely new one all together :)

On the contrary if we decide to let the “special” one go…then?? Sounds scary…coz wat if we let it go now….and need it at a later stage...and when we do decide to go back to it...its not available any more :(..Hmmm…the “special” one seems like the safest bet provided we have lost out on the first one ;)….having said that….how about a combination of all of the above….now that would be something interesting ;)…

One down!!

My last post listed down my targets for the remaining months of 2008...i have already managed to acheive one of tem...nd its only conincidental that it was the first one on my list...."THE MOST AWESOME FAMILY TRIP OF MY LIFE" :D...gosh it was soooo much funnnn!!...wish i could go back...the destination; a jungle resort in shimla....attacked by a family of 20 people....nd beleive me it was all "ours"....i mean obviously with 20 ppl in a resort wat else can u expect??....I explored nature, saw beautiful sunsets nd surises, identified at least ten species of birds, trecked in the jungle at night, saw a snake 1 cm away from me, rappled 150 feet down from the mountain, did flying fox and bridge crossing, enjoyed calm lazy moments barbequeing with my family, drove on the hills (thanx to Bintu Bhaiya for trusting me :D), enjoyed rides on the swings behaving like a 5-7 year old, cracked nonsense jokes with cousins yet laughing my heart out, clicked pix the entire day (plss note my day there usually beagn at 5 am), played with the lil pet doggie there, saw a very different flower called the "watch flower"...even managed to pick up one but forgot it there like a jerk etc etc...

I just wanna thank every person of my family nd god for bestowing such a fun loving and wonderful family upon me :) how much i regret today missing the last family trip to Bheemtal in August 2006..remember?? ;)

 

Its past half :)

Half of 2008 is over....seems like it began just yesterday :).....when i sit today and compare 2007 vis a vis 2008....i notice quite a bit of difference....2007 was sooo slow and beautiful....every day i lived to the fullest and every day was so much fun...when i luk back at it....it brings a smile on my face....in contrast 2008 is just flying....its soooo stressful in terms of work routines....a roller coaster ride is probably da best way to describe it so far....or may be i have gotton involved in too many things at the same time.....that time just seems to be moving faster.....

There is so much i want to do in the next six months....let me try and list it down here:

• Go for a nice holiday with my family...have been to many trips in recent years but the last "family" trip happened in May 2005.
• To make my social work the "top priority" over weekends.
• To click pictures as and when i am able to take out time :) again courtesy 2007 that I developed an interest in photography :) I even wanna purchase a good camera...my savings are on :D
• Make sure my badminton routines continue and i become better and better in the game :) it helps me burn all my work stress.
• To decide on my career path and goals.
• To make reading ET a regular habit. However much i try i end up missing it on several days :(
• To read a few interesting books. My avearge this year has been pretty bad. Have only managed to finish five books till now :( which means not even one a month :(
• And to try and win on some lost situations of 2007 :) with a positive attitude and a strong belief :)

Its difficult to say how much of the above will be possible as six months is not much time; given the pace at which the year has moved so far...but i just hope I am able to fulfill all of them :) and these are not in any order of priroty...the last few might just be the most important ;)

Dilemma...made simpler

The "English" language is vast in know...yet today I seem to be at a complete loss of words....I have been providing technical support to a programme called "Pardarshita" which works for the economically weaker sections of the society. But working for it sometimes makes me wonder "am I prepared to witness the ground realities of our systems...and as a result...try to change them...or do I accept them the way they are...assuming that what difference can only a handful of us make"

Today i visited the Nehru camp...a slum area in east delhi...several parents came and surrounded me there...throwing questions about their child's admission...The govt norms allow for a 10% quota (announced in 2005) in close to 397 public schools around delhi to provide education to the children of this part of the society.

Is it enough to merely lay such a "quota" on paper....or is it also essential to justify this provision??....while a lot of parents did manage to get their kids admitted in the initial years of the announcement...the situation seems to have become out of control now...to the extent that the parents are given application forms and charged a whopping Rs 1,000 per form...yet told at that very instance that their child will not be admitted!!! i mean how worse can it get from here!!!...the 10% reservation goes in satiating the needs of the kids of staff members...or of rich class...who perhaps are ready to flush in some extra bucks...

Look at the irony...parents are willing to save money...starve themselves....make all the compromises...for that one hope...but their enthusiasm is crushed by such intricate circumstances...I really do not know how are we going to handle this....but our team is certainly fighting for it...the only consolation being...that if there were no such promises, these would be mere content people and if promises existed but no consequent breaches, then today i wouldn’t have been a part of making a difference!!!

awesum 3sum :)

Last week just seems to have flown...and it brought smiles on my face on three occasions :) :) :)...with all three giving me equal levels of satifaction...

First the word that i had longed to be with me...finally...got attached to me...the word "senior"...as i got promoted to the post of "senior research analyst"...today i feel "big"...if u luk at it...its just a seven letter word...but for me it means much more...there is so much of added responsibility that it brings with it...that my company feels i m worth taking on my shoulders...i hope i m able to live upto it :)

Second relates to my ethical values....i went to archies gallery the other day to buy some stuff....there were precisely "three" things that i bought...the number "three" seems to have been all around me in the past week....anyways....so i bought a packet of envelopes, a paper bag and a pair of earings...when it was time for me to pay the bill....i noticed that the shopkeeper did not include the pack of envelopes in the bill...now right from my school days i had always had a "grudge" against archies gallery as i thought that every product the shop sold was way tooooo overpriced...and in school days it was especially true when atleast i was expected to survive an entire month with a pocket money of Rs 500...i dunno why for a moment i thought that this was my turn to take revenge...and i ended up moving out of the shop paying for only two things....but the "little monster" in me didn't seem to last for long...till the time i reached home there was not even a single minute that i did not feel edgy...before even parking my car....i decided to go back...got stuck in a traffic jam for half an hour...which probably is the price i paid :( as i hate traffic jams :(...yet i managed to reach the store on time :)...i can never forget the smile on the shopkeeper's face :)...gosh!! the only thought coming to my mind that time...errrr..."sir i am not quite what i look"...but i obviously kept quiet and moved out politely!!

The third...was today...for my dearest mom...on the ocassion of Mothers Day...just a small surprise from me and my sister at her favourite restaurant "sagar ratna"...she hardly gets to go there...courtesy my dad...who is a hard core non-vegetarian while mom is strictly vegetarian...so mom's dinner proposals to sagar ratna are usually knocked down in front of dad's non veg extravaganza :)...i hope he doesn't get to read this :-p...so today was actually her day as she got to eat at her favourite place after a looonggg time...nothing lavish...just plain and simple...but as she rightly says "its only and only the thought that counts" :)

So all in all a great week :)